2,500 is a pretty good sized number for my little online journal. At least it is to me, seeing as how I started it as just a way to share my experiences with friends and family. I have been happy to share them with you all.
Today happens to also be exactly three months since my return to the states. I have almost been back as long as I was gone, and I still don't feel like I know what that experience did for me. Good things, I know, but it's hard to articulate when someone asks what exactly happened to me during my time there. More time is needed, I think.
I have about five more weeks here in Idaho with my family. In a typical HaLee fashion, my feelings are split about returning to Portland. Part of me knows I couldn't last much longer than another five weeks in my parent's little house, and I am excited to have a shared space with Dave again. But the other half has grown to enjoy the closeness and the friendship that my parent's and I have. Although I know that I don't want to ever be a permanent resident of Idaho Falls again, I can understand why people stay close to home when they grow up. Family is like a group of friends that you always have access to. It's so much effortless than many of the friendships that I tried to cultivate over the years in Portland. But everything has a flip side, and family can be wearing at times too.
I have been a little sad at my return home in some ways. The biggest thing that I feel I have lost touch with since my travels is my connection with my spirituality and the feeling of closeness to the universe. That connection is such a beautiful thing. When I found it over there, I wanted to take it back with me here. But it's hard, just as I knew it would be, to be connected to a job, your family, your relationships, all the wants and needs of others, as well as your spirit and the universe. It all comes down to priorities, and I have struggled with mine, just like I always have. It's just part of who I am and it's got it's own beauty to it I suppose. I am once again reminded of being a strong Libra at heart, always needing to find balance, but often swaying from one extreme to the other in an effort to try and imitate balance. I would prefer that balance that just stays in the middle, rather than all over the place. I believe that comes with time, though.
Damn, I can't wait until my 30's.
I recently discovered Montana.
And I realized something about myself.
I am a mountain girl at heart.
When I fell in love with Oregon the first time (out of many times), it was on a mountain. A wedding on a mountain near Medford to be exact. I never realized that. It wasn't the beachy, hippy, city-scene that first gave me that feeling. It was a mountain. Growing up in the Rocky Mountains, I always ignored my love for high altitude, because I figured it was all I knew and I probably didn't know anything at all about what I really loved yet. We took a long, overnight scenic route back from our family reunion in Wyoming last week, and stayed the night in a rich little mountain town called Red Lodge. We had a great time and the town was beautiful, but I really lost my words when we took the Beartooth Pass home. We stopped lots of times along the way to get out and walk around. The top of the windy highway is above the treeline, so all you can see are high rolling hills covered in nothing but grass and wildflowers. Sigh. It was amazing. High mountain lakes and a family of white furry goats were some of the things we stopped to see.
It's been a beautiful summer. Thanks universe.
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