Have I told you yet about my love affairs? Yes, there are two. I am currently falling quite hard for the city of Chiang Mai, and the sweet orange delight of mangoes. More specifically, a self-explained dessert named mango and sticky rice. I would be lying if I said I didn't eat it for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And snacks. And just because. Not all of those at once. It's sliced mango with sticky rice and coconut milk poured over. My other love, Chiang Mai, has given me lots of access to this indulgence. Chiang Mai is so much cleaner and beautiful than Bangkok, I think. I don't understand how people live in (or love) Bangkok, but I am glad that there are people that do, because it takes all kinds of people to populate the world :) I can really see myself living in Chiang Mai more than any of the other cities I have been to in these last three weeks. I do, however, still struggle with the thought of living here. Like, really living. I keep going back and fourth between "What am I doing here" and "Oh my god, I am so proud of myself." I know most of you who have been loving and supporting me will tell me to listen to the second voice...
But seriously.
What the hell am I doing here.
Uhgg, I don't really know yet.
I am working on it.
In the meantime, I have been walking around aimlessly around Chiang Mai's old city square, which is made up of four crumbling brick walls that are beautifully ancient looking. Outside the walls is a square moat-like river of water that goes around the city. The city itself is quite large, but I have just been exploring the square, which is full of temples. Oh, the temples. So beautiful.
I took a whole day to myself and found as many temples as I could.
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| BTW you can click on these pictures to make them bigger, for the sake of space I made them appear small. |
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| Yes, he did creep me out. No, he 's not real. |
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| This one's for you Tristi! |
I spent the day wandering in several temples, each time taking off my shoes at the steps and wrapping my scarf around my shorts to give a more modest appearance. I have taken note of what the local temple-goers do: Enter the temple shoeless, kneel in front of the statue, tap their heads on the ground three times and then place their hands together and do what appears to be praying. I feel a little silly just sitting there, so I will tell you, I do the same now. Not so much to blend in, but because I am a spiritual person, and I wish to act as one. When I place my hands together and look up at the Buddha, my thoughts are usually something like "Please give me a quiet mind and a happy heart." or "Please give me some direction for my journey here." Judge me as an impostor if you wish, but in the presence of these stunning places of worship, I can't help but try and adopt some of these practices...I think I keep hoping that if I go through the motions, something in me will stir.
Something like the third or forth temple I went to that day gave me the cathartic reaction I was looking for. I kneeled down in front of a huge golden statue with a smile and big, kind eyes. Maybe it was the burning incense that was in this temple but not the others I had been to, I am not sure. But I put my forehead to the floor, and I began to cry. I cried like me and this Buddha statue had just confided all of our most heartbreaking experiences together. I cried, and cried, and cried. As quietly as I could so as not to alarm any monks or tourists. Luckily my breakdown happened in one of the quieter temples. I cried, and it felt good. I still don't feel any clearer on my journey, Buddha, but thank you for the cry.
The next temple I went to had a monk who was blessing people. I kneeled in front of him and he shook a wet palm frond on me and tied a white piece of string around my wrist. I will take all the blessings I can get, thank you very much. I am fascinated with Buddhism and can't wait to do a meditation retreat soon and learn more about the rituals and temples that I have seen.
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| My blessing bracelet |
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| The 'blessing' monk |
-H
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