Let's Take This Nomadic Cat Out of the Bag...

Well friends, I suppose this would be a good time to share some news. I am coming home.

 I have written this blog post about 4 times now, each time deleting it and deciding to write it another night. This is partly because I didn't want to commit to this decision and share it with other people in case I decided to change my mind. But also because I have been weary to receive people's reactions to it.

I won't be leaving until after Dave is here, and by that time I will have been traveling for almost 4 months. Many of you have already heard through the grapevine that I have been thinking of coming home. I have already received a few emails from people wanting an explanation or recommending I rethink my decision. At first, I felt my typical reaction- defensive, angry, needing to explain myself. Today, I really got my thoughts in a knot over it, having an imaginary conversation (it was more like a one-sided argument) with all the people that might make me feel ashamed for not being gone long enough (I am not even sure these people exist, but we've already been over what my mind is capable of conjuring up). And then I just stopped. I was midway through  a thought about becoming a recluse, and I just realized: everyone will have their opinion. The same way that everyone had their opinion when I left (some bad some good), people will also have the same when I return. I can't stop any of you from having an opinion on what you think I should do. And there is no way that I can sit all of you down and explain to you what those four months will mean to me. Even if I had a video of every moment of this trip, none of you will truly understand. The same way I can't fully understand your lives. And that's kind of what makes everyone's journey really beautiful, they are all unique and special to us.

 I don't need to type out the reasons that I have decided not to teach and live here for longer. And I'm not going to . All I can tell you is that 4 months is exactly the amount of time this trip needs to be for me. Any longer amount of time for me, I will just be here trying to prove something to other people. I am not going home because I am homesick. This has not been a decision of desperation. I am going home because this is the choice I want to make. I have met many people on the last leg of their travels about to go home after one month, three months, eight months, one year of traveling. I am so endlessly blessed to have such a wonderful life to return home to. I have safety, comfort, opportunities, choices, love, and so much more in my live. Not everyone is going home to those things. I want to take some time to really appreciate these things with my family in a light and view that I didn't have before. I know that I can leave again when I am ready, and in that way I am truly a free and fortunate person.

I want to address the idea that I am having a once-in-a-lifetime experience right now. I am having such a wonderful experience right now, yes. However, I am 24, and I would like to point out that travels like this will not be once-in-my-lifetime. I will travel again. And again. And again. This wasn't some big opportunity that I won in a sweepstakes and need to milk it for all it's worth. I understand that point of view, because I can also see it that way. But I worked for this because I wanted it, and I can and will work for it again. The next time I travel will be even better, because of the experiences and lessons that I have learned here. I will not retire my backpack without putting more miles on it :)

I have decided that I won't be moving back to Portland immediately  After about a month of consideration, I decided will be moving back to Idaho Falls for the summer. I haven't been in Idaho Falls for more than two weeks since I moved away five and a half years ago. This means I haven't been able to spend more than a handful of days with my nephews (who are growing up way too fast), my grandmothers, my siblings, and any and all members of my family. My parents have made a wonderful amount of trips out to Portland over the years to see us, but I still don't feel like I see them enough either. My mom has summers off and my dad is in school this year (still so happy about that!!) and will have the summer off as well. I don't think I have ever had such a perfect opportunity to spend quality time with my whole family, even before I moved to Oregon. Mom and Dad are also in the process of making a small apartment above their garage. It will be close to finished by the time I am home, and if that doesn't just tie everything together, I don't know what else would. I will be working and saving up money for two or three months there to get back on my feet before I decide what I am going to do next. Portland, of course, is a choice I can make after that, but I am keeping my mind open to what is next for me.

I can't wait to see all your beautiful faces again. I also can't wait to put the things I've learned here into the real world and challenge myself again. I am looking forward to a beautiful summer full of gardens, cooking, the great outdoors, and my family.

-H